Let Her Be Little

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I am not going to lie.  It has been a rough few months.  Yes, there has been good.  There has been so much good.  But, there has also been bad.  Thankfully, I have a husband who understands that those vows…the sickness and the health ones…were serious.  It is easy to stand by someone during the good times.  It is the bad times when you realize what you are made of, what those around you are made of, and definitely what your soul mate is made of. Mine is made of iron.

That must be where my little girl gets it.  Summer has been sick off and on since October. I have taken her to the doctor exactly 12 times since October 25.  Most of those trips resulted in a new medication to try.

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You see, my girl is full of sunshine.  She is the child who laughs and giggles and smiles her way through life. Do not get me wrong.  She can have her moments of crying and fits and, well, being a girl.  At her core, though, is the definition behind “zest for life”.  She has it…so much so that a little boy in her class asked her teacher this year, “Why is she always so happy?”  We loved that.  To be asked why you are so happy should be a goal that all of us have in our lives.

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So, needless to say, watching her get sick, deal with exhaustion, lose the spring in her step, and develop dark circles under her eyes has been heartbreaking.  All of the medications would work for a few days, and we would see the sunshine beginning to emerge again. Then, the next thing we knew, she would be tired, sick, and back at the doctor.

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This went on and on until we took her to the ENT last week.  He took one look at her history and knew that surgery was in her future – tonsils and adenoids out and ear tubes in.  I wanted it done immediately, but they could not fit us in until two weeks later.  I called and left messages begging for them to move it up because I was afraid to send Summer to school, knowing that her little body could not handle another infection.

I decided to send her last Wednesday.  She lasted three hours before she came home sick. By Thursday morning (1 am, to be exact), she was crying in pain.  At 8:30 am, I took her to the pediatrician, where she continued to cry in pain.  At 3:15 pm, I took her to another ENT, where she continued to cry in pain. At 4:50 pm, we were walking through the doors of the Emergency Room, in a state of shock.  We had been sent there because the ENT suspected meningitis.  That is a scary word.  When we arrived, it only became scarier, as they told us that being ill that long was not normal, that they needed to do a brain CT for a tumor.  What they did not tell us is that they were also testing for leukemia.  We were there for four hours. Thankfully, my sister was there with me so that Sean could be home with the boys.  I am not sure how I would have survived it all alone.

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The results of the test were good, overall.  Summer does not have leukemia, meningitis, or a brain tumor.  What she did have was a severe ear infection, a migraine, and severe sinusitis. The reason, most likely, that she has been so sick is because she does, in fact, need ear tubes, her tonsils and adenoids out, and sinus surgery.  We have that all scheduled for next week and could use your thoughts and prayers.

I do always try to hard to see the silver lining.  I truly, truly do.  And, there is one this time, as well. We have decided to keep Summer home from school until after the surgery.  Being at home with her this past week has been an absolute joy.  We sit, snuggle, play games, and watch cartoons.  Most importantly, though, is how I look at her.  I study her face, trace the lines of her chubby cheeks, and think to myself that she is just a little girl, my little girl, my baby girl.  Just a few months ago, I am not sure that I was as aware of the fact that she is still so tiny and young.  I was given this extra time to spend with her to make sure that I really hold on to these moments, to appreciate that she is my last baby, and to remember how it feels to just sit and stare at her sweet, beautiful face.  Of course, I wish that she was not sick and that she was not having surgery next week.  However, since I cannot change any of that, I choose to focus on the fact that, for this moment in time, I can just let her be little, because, I know that I will blink my eyes, and she will be all grown up again.

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11 Responses to Let Her Be Little

  1. Amiee Zawistowski says:

    I’ve been so worried for her! Please tell that sweet girl that I miss seeing her in Mrs. Hunt’s class and I hope she’s feeling like her old self really soon! {{{hugs}}}

    • Thank you so much, sweet Amiee. I told her that Ms. Amiee, her Friday helper, missed her so much, and she smiled the sweetest smile. We are hopeful that she will be healed and full of sunshine again very soon.

  2. Shirlene says:

    Will pray for a complete healing for Summer. So glad you have answers to all the questions, what a scary process that was. God bless you all .

  3. Melissa says:

    She will be in my prayers-please post as soon as all is well after surgery because all will be well!

  4. Sandy says:

    I admire the way you can always find good in even the bad situations. We should all take lessons from you on positive thinking. I can’t wait to see our sweet Summer smile and play again with a healthy body. What a joy she has been to our life. We love you Summer and pray that soon our “Happy” caboose will be jumping and laughing. It will make us all be “Happy” with you!

    • Thank you, Mother. You know, I am positive that I learned the power of positive thinking from someone. 🙂 Yes, as nervous and worried as I am about Thursday, I keep thinking, hoping, and praying about what it will be like for her to be healthy and vibrant with her zest back again. Seeing her healthier this week has certainly given me a glimpse of that.

  5. Cherry Williams says:

    Natalie I missed the post where you told us that summer would be having surgery. Now I am all caught up. Holly had pretty much all the same stuff. She said bye bye to her tonsils just before her third birthday. I am here to testify that it does get better after surgery. I am lifting Summer and all of your precious family up in prayer. Love and hugs. Cherry

  6. Pingback: Summer's Surgery Update: Tonsillectomy, Adenoidectomy, Ear Tubes, and FESS Sinus Surgery | Cooking for My Kids

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